Planning a farewell before you need one

Almost everyone agrees the end of life is worth talking about, and almost nobody does it. In The Conversation Project’s 2018 national survey in the United States, 92% said it was important to discuss it with their family and only 32% had actually done so. Mexico has no published equivalent, but anyone who works in this field recognises the pattern.

The conversation gets postponed because talking about it feels like bringing it closer. It does not. The only thing that changes is who makes the decisions: the person, calmly, or their family at three in the morning with no idea what they would have wanted.

What to gather, and when

If you have an elderly or ill relative, this is the moment to gather the information. It does not have to be one solemn conversation: it can be collected little by little.

• Basic documents: birth certificate, official ID and, if there is one, the will.
• Medical details: the names of their doctors, the medication they take and any allergies.
• Access: emails, passwords and where they are kept. This is what saves the most trouble later.
• Accounts and insurance: banks, policies, and whether they paid into IMSS or ISSSTE.
• Family stories. Record them while you can. It is the only thing on this list that cannot be recovered afterwards.

How to start the conversation

The hardest part is the first sentence. Coming at it sideways usually works better than announcing it: after the death of an acquaintance, a piece of news, or something that comes up over dinner.

Three questions open almost any version of this conversation: whether they would prefer cremation or burial, whether there is anything they particularly want done or not done, and who they want deciding if one day they cannot. With those three answers, nobody is deciding blind.

Why planning ahead gives the control back

Someone who leaves their wishes written down is not giving their family work: they are taking work away. The most expensive and most painful decision in a funeral service is the one made without information and in a hurry, and that hurry is avoided by a twenty minute conversation months earlier.

If you want to go a step further, you can read how to talk to your parents about their funeral arrangements, which is the conversation people postpone most.

And if you need to resolve something today, Boinita is available 24 hours a day.